What is your opinion of yourself?
I recently took the EQ-i assessment for emotional intelligence and scored in the mid-range (average) for self-regard. As defined by Multi-Health Systems, Inc. “Individuals with self-regard respect themselves and accept both personal strengths and limitations while remaining satisfied and self-secure.” I was a little surprised by my score as I have always thought myself to be a confident person and I am but upon reflection, I realize that I overemphasize my weaknesses and don’t acknowledge my strengths as much as I should.
So, what did I do with this information? As a Life Coach, I automatically created an action plan to improve my self-regard. Yes, I did. However, I coincidentally, came across an article in Harvard Business Review, “Stop Basing your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions” by Michael Gervais in which he states, “You simply need to recognize that you are worthy exactly as you. You are not your grade – whether it’s an A or an F. You are not your job, your age, your marathon time, your place on the org chart, your relationship status, your gold bars, or your prison bars. You have inherent value, and it’s not conditioned on anything you have done. It’s not conditioned by how virtuous you have been or how many mistakes you’ve made. Your virtue and your failures are not factored into the calculus of your value as a human being. Your value stems from your being, not your doing.” This is a very good place to start if you want to improve your self-regard.
Upon further reflection, I think my average self-regard comes in part from not wanting to “blow my own horn” or be prideful. As a result, I can be hesitant and uncomfortable talking about my success and may downplay it. I also carry the belief that others don’t want to hear about me so I will ask questions about them in a social situation rather than share about myself. This coincidentally is not a good way to build your business!
Outfitted with this information, I am going to ask people who know me well when they have seen me perform at my best and what I was doing. This will allow me to see myself as others do. I am also going to step up my confidence when networking and not be shy about telling others about myself and my skills as a life coach. Lastly, I am going to accept my weaknesses, improve where I can, and love myself regardless. How is your self-regard? Do you recognize your strengths and understand your weaknesses as part of being a human? Do you need to see yourself through the eyes of others? These are some important questions to think about.