How do I avoid feelings of guilt?
As defined in Dictionary.com, guilt is “a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc. whether real or imagined”. A critical point in this definition is, “real or imagined.” It is true that some guilty feelings are driven by real circumstances caused by individual behavior, but many are imagined as a result of cultural norms or social media pressure. Whether real or imagined, how we deal with feelings of guilt is important to our self-being and relationships with others. Do you feel guilty when something you did has a negative impact? Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself? How can we overcome feelings of guilt?
If your guilt resulted from an action that hurt others, what do you do? This is a tough one and we have all been there. Sometimes we do or say something intentionally or not that hurts someone else. The best advice on this occasion is to own up to it, apologize, ask forgiveness, and strive to be more thoughtful in the future. Sometimes pride gets in the way, and this is difficult to do so it does require diligence and practice. I am still working on this.
But what to do if your guilty feeling is imagined? Cultural norms and social media can indeed cause feelings of guilt. As an example, many women were raised to believe that a clean house reflects a stable, happy family and therefore feel guilty if they choose to read a book rather than vacuum the floors. An even bigger driver of guilty feelings today is social media. I admit that I feel guilty when I see a post of another mother’s elaborate Facebook post wishing her daughter a happy birthday when all I did was post one picture and a quick “Happy Birthday!”
In the end, it all comes back to the goals and priorities we have set for our lives and how our actions support them. Maybe one of your goals is to develop a larger social network and so you have joined a book club. If reading the assigned book instead of cleaning your house is in support of that goal, then why should it cause guilt? In that moment of feeling guilt, remind yourself why you are reading the book and re-affirm your knowledge that a clean house does not lead to a stable, happy family.
Now let’s talk about social media. We all know that social media posts don’t always reflect reality and that comparing ourselves to others can cause feelings of guilt. When I see that elaborate “happy birthday” Facebook post, I remind myself that my goal is to have my daughter feel loved and I chose to do that in my way.
Feelings of guilt can consume energy that can be used for more positive things. When you have those feelings, remind yourself of the goals you have set for your life and the ways you are supporting them. Let go of the guilt!