How to be successful during a life transition
Life transitions occur in all areas of our lives. Relationships, work, health, and where we live, to name a few. Some are planned and some are unplanned and, in both cases, how do you change a life transition from just survival to success?
First, recognize that all life transitions can be scary and may cause you to feel out of control. Take action to address these feelings. In his article, “Feeling Stuck? Five Tips for Managing Life Transitions” (The New York Times, July 16, 2020), Bruce Feiler states that “lifequakes,” as he calls them, “strike people at the core of their being. They create meaning vacuums, in which we feel frightened, overwhelmed and stuck.” Give yourself grace and affirm your feelings, no matter what they are. This is also about control. Many life transitions cause you to feel out of control. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, I underwent multiple lumpectomies, radiation, and drug therapy. I felt like I no longer “owned” my body. In recognizing this, I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer thereby re-claiming ownership of my body.
Recognize that there are stages to life transitions. In his book, Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age” Bruce Feiler identifies three phases of transition: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning (as reported by Bruna Martinuzzi, “How to Master Life Transitions,” Mindtools.com 8/10/23). The long goodbye is the period that it takes to accept that your life is changing and leaving your old life behind. Rather than lengthening this period, accept and embrace the change. If this is your first major life transition, assure yourself that with proper perspective and planning, you can master the transition. You can start by reaching out to others who have had similar experiences. For example, if you find yourself being laid off and looking for a new job, connect with others who also lost their jobs. Questions to ask include: “Did you negotiate the terms of your layoff?” “Did you use a service to update your resume?” “Do you have a list of recruiters that you used to find your next job?” If you have previously experienced a life transition, recall that experience and the fact that you survived the change. What would you do differently? What steps would you take again?
The second phase, the messy middle, is when you evaluate your options. This part can feel chaotic and stressful as you are evaluating different directions in which you can go. According to Feiler, this is a time when you should replace old habits with new habits. In the example of job loss, if your morning routine included the drive-through for coffee on the way to work until you find the new job, you could replace that habit with a cup of home-brewed coffee while watching the local news. By establishing new routines, you are taking control during this chaotic time.
Finally, you get to the last phase, the new beginning, in which you launch your new life. No matter how well you have evaluated your options and planned, this can also be a period of anxiety. In the example of starting a new job, take time to settle in by meeting new co-workers, spending time with your boss to understand the new job, and recalling past successes to increase your confidence.
We will likely all have multiple life transitions to navigate but by remembering to affirm our feelings, start new routines, and ease into our new life, we can handle these transitions successfully.