Thriving as a stay-at-home mom
Leaving your paying position to become a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) requires a lot of thought and planning. It may be driven by a desire to stay at home with young children or a necessity due to the physical and/or medical needs of a child. Regardless of how you arrive at this decision, there are pitfalls to be avoided to meet your emotional and physical needs in addition to those of your children.
As noted by Lara Bullens in “The Reality of Quitting Your Job to Become a Full-time Carer” (November 20, 2021), our jobs largely define who we are because we spend most of our waking hours in our jobs. When giving up a paying position to be a SAHM, you may feel like you lost your identity. However, as outlined by Blair Sharp (“How to Decide if Being a SAHM Is Right for You,” The Bump, March 16, 2023), the SAHM is generally responsible for childcare, financial management of the household budget, and home management such as shopping and repairs and cooking and cleaning. The SAHM is essentially the CEO of the house! Be proud of this new identity!
Leaving your paid position to become an SAHM means that you will need to replace the social interaction that work provides. Feeling isolated can be a challenge. Blair Sharp states that “we also need connection and stimulation that only comes from quality time spent with other adults.” For stay-at-home mothers, she suggests you look for parenting groups in your areas for play dates and parent meetups. These groups not only provide needed social interaction, but they can also be supportive and encouraging when you need it. Start with your local library and place of worship that often has groups catering to SAHMs.
One of the most difficult things for moms staying at home is making time for themselves. Sometimes it is logistically difficult to find the time or mothers feel guilty using valuable time doing something just for themselves. Instead of using naptime to do household chores, perhaps you read a book, meditate, do your nails, or talk on the phone with a girlfriend. You may also need to enlist your spouse in providing needed “me time.” However you do it, a mother who takes a break from childcare duties to “refill her cup” will be better prepared for the challenges and tedium that come with being home with small children.
I did not stay home with my children when they were little. However, as I reflect on my time with them when I was home, I wish I had lived more in the moment. I did spend time doing puzzles, reading books, and taking them to the playground but recall that I was often distracted thinking of all the things that needed to get done. I encourage all mothers, but especially stay-at-home mothers, to relish this time with their children and not get distracted by the dirty dishes and laundry!