How do I successfully manage a life transition?
A life transition is a major change in any area of our lives and can be planned or unplanned. An unexpected illness, divorce, a new job, birth of a child, and retirement are a few examples. What is predictable is that we will have life transitions. Writer and researcher, Bruce Feiler, calls them “lifequakes.” They can “strike people at the core of their being. They create meaning vacuums, in which we feel frightened, overwhelmed, and stuck [1]” I think this is a very good description. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, this was exactly how I felt. One day I would describe myself as in good health and the next day I could not. Our goal should be coming out the other end of the change better than we were going in but how can we do that?
First of all, be easy on yourself. Recognize that you will need to adapt to your new circumstances and that will take time. If starting a new job, give yourself time to orient yourself to the company, its culture, and the people. You may need to jump in and solve some immediate problems but balance that with structured ways in which you learn about your new company. Recognize and accept that you are on a learning curve and enjoy the time asking questions and absorbing new information.
Next, identify and affirm your feelings about the change. This is a key step according to Bruce Feiler. If you unexpectedly lose your job, allow yourself to feel the emotions of that loss. These might include anger, resentment, and fear. Find a trusted person who will listen as you talk through these emotions. Choose someone who will validate how you feel but also help you to think through how to move forward. Allow the emotions to be a catalyst in finding a new job.
Recognize that a life change might feel like a loss of control and take action to regain some control. The feeling of loss of control is especially acute if the change is not planned. Many times, I go back to my experience of having breast cancer. I felt a complete loss of control over my body as I underwent numerous surgeries and radiation therapy. To combat this feeling, I hired a personal trainer, and she tailored a program that allowed me to successfully work out while I was under treatment. I was back in control.
Finally, have confidence that with proper perspective and planning, you can move forward successfully. Look back on other changes in your life and consider what you did that proved successful and also what you did that was not. Learn from your experience and know that each change you go through adds another layer to the life you are living.
Are you finding yourself in a life transition and want some help with navigation? I would be happy to talk with you! Book a free 45-minute session through my website.
[1] Feiler, Bruce, “Feeling Stuck” Five Tips for Managing Life Transitions,” The New York Times, 16 July 2020.