Get rid of your but
No, not that “butt” (although that might be a subject for another blog)! I am talking about our use of the word “but” as in, “I did a really good job preparing the Thanksgiving dinner and it was tasty, but the turkey was a little dry.” I am the queen of the word “but” and find myself using it all the time. Why do we do this, why should we stop and how can we change?
Why do we qualify our statements with the word “but.” First, I think it is because we are wired as humans to see the negative which at one point was necessary for us to identify potential threats to our survival. I also think we might do this to not sound overly proud of something we have accomplished. Or it might just be a bad habit. Whatever the reason, it is not serving us well.
Why should we stop? Using the word discounts the first statement that we made in our sentence. If the first part of our statement is a positive declaration and we end our thought with a “but” phrase, we discount the positive. As an example, if you and your team completed an important project, you might say, “I want to thank you for your hard work in getting this project completed but there are a few things we could have done differently.” How will that land with people? I firmly believe in our personal and professional lives we don’t take sufficient time to sit with and acknowledge our accomplishments. We either move on too quickly or in the case of the word “but” we lessen the positive impact of what we have done.
How can we change? Simply stated, stop using the word “but.” In the example of the team project, say, “ I want to thank you for your hard work in completing this project.” Follow this statement with the specific things that the team did to complete the project. “I appreciate the long hours you worked, the creative problem-solving, and your enthusiasm.” This is not to say that you should not look at the things that could be done differently. Rather, you save that part for a different conversation or meeting in which you brainstorm areas that can be improved and strategies to make those improvements.
This simple change can shift your energy and that of those around you. You will stay in the positive longer which can increase connections and creativity. Think about that team. By eliminating the “but” team members will feel better connected and ready for the next big project. Need help making this shift? Book a free session through my website. As a life and business coach, I would love to help!